Deepika unafraid to embrace 'fear' in quest for elusive medal

PARIS: The Eiffel peeps out from above Parisian terraces - that architectural mix of Renaissance and the Revivalist - gazing upon you without plan or preamble, rhyme or reason. Everywhere you go, the city's labyrinthe lanes, its leafy, shaded avenues, past their many cafes and their patrons for life, everywhere you look - and Paris compels you to look up from your phones -- the Eiffel will be looking back, in that giant, all-metal silent stalk that only the Eiffel can do.
Under its unrelenting watch then, Deepika Kumari was shooting arrows into the warm Parisian air at the Les Invalides, a 17th century military complex in the heart of the French capital, with a 7600-seating gallery and tickets for all stages of the archery competition sold out.As you watched, shading your eyes from the harsh afternoon sun, you could almost see a 'Queen' parallel playing out here in Paris.
Haunted initially by the wrought-iron tower's constant presence, the protagonist in the 2013 film, travelling alone, found friends and eventually found herself. The 30-year-old 'veteran' of the Indian women's archery team, you could say, is on a similar journey here. She has the comfort of an old, familiar set-up but somewhere, she knows she must travel alone. Will she find what she has been looking for?
Ask her about her evolution from a prodigious teenager to team elder, and Deepika normally lists "experience" as one of the key aspects of her evolution.
"Darr lagta hai, nervousness hoti hai. You suddenly learn to experience fear, especially as you grow older. You become very aware of fear," Deepika smiles gently, attempting to articulate the feeling of growing up and the task ahead of her. "But the key, is to be in control of that darr, not let that nervousness overpower you."
A major recent part of her evolution has also included motherhood when she and archer husband, Atanu Das gave birth to a girl in December 2022. "Call it a type of selfishness," she says, slowly, "But I haven't experienced so many moments of her growing up - her first steps, first words, I haven't been there for any of that. I miss it, I miss her so badly, but I guess it's one of the biggest sacrifices I've had to make. Bahut khatakta hai, but kyaa karein, yeh jo ek ambition fulfil karna hai…
For someone who had initially joked that she will only give single-lined replies to questions and not more, Deepika would have probably surprised herself with her candour and willingness to hold held forth, even at the expense of keeping the team bus waiting. At London 2012, she was an 18-year-old prodigy, much was expected of her, least of all unprecedented world-beating performance. Today, in what is her fourth Olympics here, Deepika -- and the rest of the country - still await that medal. "More than anyone else, more than what they say - and they say a lot - it is a personal slight, if one can call it that, ki World Cup and World Championships mein medal hai, lekin Olympics nahin hai...
"Personally too, I want to find that out - I can win at the worlds, what happens at the Olympics. Skill wohi hai, talent same, training bhi and competition bhi, so what is the issue. It is quite intriguing."
It is this mix of intrigue, personal slight and the desire to correct it all that has kept Deepika going. A former World No 1, she laughs at how she knew no fear as a youngster but is acutely aware of it now. "Jab young they, toh sirf performance yaad rehti thi, aur kuch dhyaan mein hi nahin aata tha. We had no idea of what mental health was, that we needed a psychologist at all. Anything that we found we needed attending to, we took care ourselves - physical issue, see the physio, anything emotional, just sleep it off. Subah theekh ho jaayega.
"Lekin, but now, especially, with age - by the way, I'm only just 30, okay - and being more aware of fear, a session with the psychologist can help. But I'm still of the old school belief that you have to fight it out yourself, they can only help with showing you a direction, you have to follow it yourself.
The archery competition gets underway on Thursday, a day before the Paris Games opening ceremony with the individual ranking rounds, following which the subsequent stages will be held between July 28-Aug 4.
The setting is imposing too. The Les Invalides venue promises to be the most spectacular archery competition in Olympic history. Does that work on the mind anywhere - usually archery at the Olympics is held at marquee locations? "Humme toh bas target dikhta hai, gallery nahin dekhtey," she laughs it off, "It could affect a first-timer but we tell them that we just see it as any other tournament, in a way. The final aim is the medal, the setting is incidental." Somewhere, an eavesdropping Eiffel would have approved, but given its rigid frame, unable to nod.